Did you know that it is estimated that one woman out of six are insulted by her partner. Three in every ten children are abuse. Even men get abused.
What is the warning signs: It is often difficult to recognise the abuse even when the signs are already there. Sudden and frequent outburst of anger an rage, when you deal with anger in a violent way, preventing you from socialising with others, jealousy, insult you in front of others or in private. Children the silent sufferers: When children witnesses abuse, they are seeing, hearing and learning about violence, the very fact that they witness abuse between their parents, friends or the outside world, is abuse itself. Living in fear becomes normal, they think that violence is the solution to conflict. These children sometimes suffers form anxiety, fear, depression, guilt and they even think that the abuse at home is their fault, and they find it very hard to trust anyone. They can start to act out the violence they witness at home, or the outside world or they can show signs of passivity being over eager to please a adult, a friend a teacher. Sometimes abused kids are forced to take over the role as a parent for their siblings as their parents do not fulfil their responsibilities. Three stages of abuse: Stage one: Tension building, blaming, arguing. Stage two: Battering and sexual abuse. Stage three: Apology, regret, empty promises. Did you know that many abusers never enter into stage three if their partner accept their behaviour the first time. Four types of abuse: Physical: When you get hit, slapping, punching, shoving, pushing, choking, using a weapon against you, throwing objects, refuse to help you in any situation, locking you outside, abandoning you in a dangerous place. Emotional: Constant, criticism, degrading remarks, name calling, accusations, ridiculing our beliefs, ignoring, you, insulting you, humiliating you in public. threating you with murder or suicide, threating to attack the children or ones close to you. Financial: Taking or spending all the money, preventing you from earning a salary, refuse to inform you about the finances, provide you with money but wants accountability for every sent you spend. Sexual: Any inappropriate of unwanted sexual attention is abusive, when a person is force to have sex against their will, that is called rape. Sexual abuse includes making you wear clothes or perform sexual acts that makes you uncomfortable, forcing you to have sex with other people or making you look while they do it with others. When the victim is a man or a boy: The law is mostly for woman and children but what about men. Did you ever hear the sayings "man up", "boys don't cry" "are you a man or a mouse" That is so wrong we are all human, we all have feelings, let me tell you it is okay to cry, it is okay to stand up for yourself if you feel your are being abuse by others. Some men that are abuse never goes into a relationship again, some divorced but never disclosed the real reason why they divorce. Do you leave or do you stay: In many cases people stay out of fear for their partners, or due to no where to go. Only the abused person can make that decision, they must consider their own safety and the ones they love their children. If you decide to leave your home, pre-plan ensure you have someone with you when you do so. If you do not have the support of your family or friends your local shelter or crisis centre can provide accommodation for you and your children. Get the help All over the world their is life lines, some one you can talk to, someone that can assist you, you are never alone.
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Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. I can remember when were kids when you misbehave you got punished by either a belt from your dad or the wooden spoon from your mom, It never left marks, Our parents never got so upset that they wanted to hit us dead over a mistake we made. there is this saying my dad always use to tell us "bent the tree while it is still young, and when you are older you will not part from your ways" and "respect is earned" So many things have changed in the country we living in, you are not allowed to punish you kid by hitting them as it seems today's generation have a lot of anger issues and they tend to take it out saying ugly and rude things to people and that causes a stir. Today's generation think they are too good to be punished, you can't punished them like they use to say in the olden days "corporal punishment" when you take their technology away like their phones, game stations or the internet you are the worst parent, then they hate you and don't want to talk to you. Yet there is so many verses in the bible that state you are allowed to punish your children to make them better people, the kids in this country do not have discipline not in schools not in houses, they are just angered by people telling them things that is untrue then they want to believe it, there is so much hate in this country between races at this moment. School teachers don't even bother teaching kids discipline as the class rooms are to full, they can't cope with them, if the teacher telling the kids something and they don't like it they cause a uproar and want to attack the teacher, some cases teachers were attack already, kids just don't care any more . It is like they all became rebells they don't care about others space, their property or anyting for that matter, as long as they can kill and plunder, burn and destroy they are happy. The government don't do anything about it, as they are fighting their own political war. A while ago this person throwed a tantrum as the test was to difficult for her and walked out of the class, can you believe the education minister said kids can voice their opinion if the test are too difficult they don't have to do it, go figure, the only reason why something is difficult is because you didn't study. But back to discipline, when my kids were in primary school my son would come home and say mom the teacher said we must please bring our manners to school and don't leave them at home, she said if our parents teach us manners, discipline and respect will fall in place there is also a English saying "manners maketh a man" When my eldest daughter was in matric she had this teacher that always use to say they are the worst matric's the school ever had as she was part of the last 1999 generation, she used to say they had a sheep mentality and that became a issue for most of those kids, they were just not interested in the subject, the teacher was disrespectful therefore they were too, sometimes she used to come home and say I hate that subject, the teacher is a idiot, I would reprimand her and say you can't say things like that and she would say sit for a day in my shoes then we will talk again. So how do you teach a child discipline Lead by example Children from a young age copy people, might be family, friends, teachers if you lead the wrong way they do the wrong things, if you lead the good way they do good things. if you a disrespectful towards others they will think it is ok and do the same. Make respect a requirement Control your emotions Kids get scared when they get yelled at and loosing your temper, when they grow up they will think it is okay to treat people in a bad manner. Teach them to share it is ok to make mistakes We are all human no one is perfect except God, if they make a mistake don't scream and punish, stay calm tell them it is ok to make a mistake next time they will get it right. Patience Always be patient with others, as when you get impatient with people they will think it is ok to also get impatient, Be strict but fair. Teach them to obey rules at home, at school don't punish them as you feel you want to punish them You call Me master but obey Me not.
You call Me light, but don't see Me. You call Me the way, but don't walk on the right path. You call Me life, but, you don't long for Me. You call Me beautiful , but endear Me not. You call Me rich, but don't ask Me for anything. You call Me gracious, but trust Me not. You call Me noble , but don't serve Me. You call Me powerful, but you don't honour Me. You call Me righteous, but fear Me not. When I judge you one day rebuke Me not. 1 Samuel 16:7
"But the Lord said unto Samuel, look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him; for the Lord seeth not as man seeth, for man looketh on the outward appearance but the Lord looketh on the heart. Who gives us as humans the right to judge others by the way they look, the way they dress, what car they driving, what house they staying, what they put in their shopping basket, how they bring their children up no one receive a parent handbook saying consult me if your child is doing this or that, we all make mistakes no one is perfect. Why are we so quick to look at others faults but oversee our own faults, my dad use to say don't show a finger to others as there is always three showing back to you. We should keep our thoughts clean, our tongue from speaking evil. We were all created by the same God, doesn't matter your colour, your build if you are more talented that the next person, we all received talents some just develop theirs further others don't. We look at the outward appearance of people but God looks at your heart, He sees the goodness, the love, and the true beauty from with in. See people through the eyes of God, see the goodness, we all have good and bad in ourselves, we all loose control sometimes, Rather help people up don't bring them down Show them the light don't leave them in the darkness, Give to others and it shall be given to you in return. I would rather stand with God and be judge by the world, then stand with the world and be judge by God. Challenge: Start and see the good in others, look deep with in their souls, do something good for a stranger that you never met, the man on the street, JERIMIAH 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give hope and a future." Did you ever thought how change can effect a child. Sometimes it can tear your child apart, moving schools, a new place to stay, divorce, loosing someone they love, loosing a pet. About a year ago due to circumstances we had to leave the environment where we stayed, it was a rough year, my eldest in matric, my youngest his last year of primary school, my middle child that had her own issue of friends problems that uses and abuses her. All well we decided we moving to another town, new environment, new people, new friends, getting use to the way other people are thinking, how the government system is working. I can kick myself I only realize now how lonely my children really are, my eldest miss her friends, no one to say hi come and visit come and sleep over, when I talk to her she will say "I am better off alone, that way I wont be in anyone body's way." My middle child she is so quit when she is done with school she just go to her room, many nights I hear her talking to her best friend that moved overseas, due to the crime and her family being victims of such a crime. My son is quit we moved him from a English to a Afrikaans school, when I ask if his ok his just say yes, I know he battles to copy I can see it on his report but he is too proud to admit it. My heart breaks for my family, there is many times I feel that I am not worth to be a parent, I feel that I just constantly mess things up. I think most parents wish parenthood came with a manual that you can consult and check before I make a mistake I should do ABC. There is days that I feel so lonely and think what the hell did you do wrong, I regret making the bad decisions that I did as today I can see my family suffering. They don't talk about, but you know sometimes when you look at someone and you can sense there pain, there loneliness. Don't get me wrong I love it here, it is away from all the hustle and bustle of the busy fast moving towns. Before you do anything silly in your life, consult your children too, help them understand that sometimes things happens maybe because we as caregivers make the wrong choices or sometimes things happen for a reason. Like my daughter always say God never take something away from you and give you something better in return. Help them adapt to the change, stay together as a family, listen to each other, carry each others burdens. I was thinking about the verse God wants all of us to prosper, He doesn't want to harm us, He wants us to have hope and a future. 1 Corinthians 3:16 - 17 Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and [that] the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? Ecclesiastes 7:17 Be not over much wicked, neither be thou foolish: why shouldest thou die before thy time? Why do kids and people commit suicide. I don't think anybody really knows even though people come up with you now what, I think it is because of ….ABC. One in every five people commit suicide and actually only one percent goes through with it. It is so sad that kids as young as ten think of committing suicide. Could it because of pear pressure at school or someone bullying you, someone making fun of you. Could it because of a unhappy childhood. Poverty, parents not working, stress about what tomorrow may bring. Could it be that your parents are always fighting over silly things and it cause an uproar in your household, sibling rivals. Parents divorce, parents drinking or using substance, maybe abuse mentally, sexually, verbally. Do you feel sometimes people don't understand you. You feel you can't talk to your parents for fear of judgement. In all countries there is always help available, there is life lines, someone on the other side to assist you. God is the best listener and adviser, He is a friend, a unseen guest at every conversation, He gives advice through His word or sometimes through other people. Maybe you have a friend you can talk to, a teacher, or a family member that you can trust. Just a reminder don't take your life to satisfy other people, they will just remember you by saying you know she/he was like that or that... Your life do matter to others around you, don't let life get you under, stand tall, be strong, show them all that you are stronger than what they think you are. Only God and God alone is allowed to take our lives away from us. You are born a certain time and you die a certain time, I believe all of us believer or non-believer are all link into each other like puzzle pieces one way or another. Or we are all like a massive big rug were the wool is weave into each other to make a most beautiful picture, that God looks down on and say "That is My daughter, that is My son." The bible says there is a time for everything, but don't go look for something to do wrong. THERE IS A TIME FOR EVERYTHING: Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: 2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. |
AuthorHallo my name is Thessa I am the mother of three beautiful teenagers. I started this blog as I see so many children and people suffers everyday. School, home, the outside world. Archives
October 2022
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